Kitty Litter
by Mythril Moth
Summary: Short, random nonsensical drabbles featuring the cast of Miraculous Ladybug. Expect rampant silliness and off-color jokes galore.
1. Big and Small

**Author's Notes:**

Here's a little something I've wanted to do for a while now.

My long-time readers on another site may have stumbled across "Pony Fails", a series of random, stupid, silly short nonsense drabbles. Well, this is essentially the same thing but for Miraculous Ladybug.

Enjoy!

* * *

 **MIRACULOUS LADYBUG: "KITTY LITTER"**

 _by Mythril Moth_

 **Big and Small**

Alya, Adrien, and Nino were at Marinette's house for a group study project. Tom and Sabine had just brought up trays of fresh-baked snacks.

"Dude, your parents are awesome," Nino said. After biting into a cookie, he added, "One thing's always bugged me about them, though."

Marinette bristled. "Oh? And what's that, the thing that bugs you about my parents?" she asked dangerously.

Nino recoiled. "Ah! It's nothing bad, it's just..." He chewed thoughtfully on his cookie. "I mean, when you look at them, your dad's ginormous, and your mom, she's not much bigger than you and you're only fourteen."

"Yeah, so?" Alya asked, eyes narrowed.

"Well, if you stop to think about it," Nino said, "how did...I mean..." He shook his head. "How did they...y'know...and your mom survived it to even _have_ you?"

Marinette frowned. "What are you ta—"

Then it hit her. Her eyes widened. Her cheeks flushed. _"NINO!"_

Adrien stared at Nino. "Dude! Not cool!"

"I can't help it! It's been bugging me, alright?"

"Oh god, I did NOT need that mental image," Marinette moaned, burying her face in her hands. "Ever. Eww. Ick. Ew."

"I will never unsee that," Alya said, pinching the bridge of her nose tiredly.

* * *

The class was having a picnic in the park. Adrien, Nino, Alya, and Marinette were sharing a picnic blanket, the remains of their lunch spread out before them as they relaxed in the warm spring sun. Across the way, they saw Ivan and Mylene cheerfully flirting and generally being sickeningly cute together.

"You know, this is gonna sound kinda mean and Chloe-ish of me," Alya said suddenly, "and don't get me wrong, I love Mylene and Ivan's cool. But whenever I see the two of them together like that? I always put this mental caption under them: 'When a hobbit and a cave troll love each other very much...'"

Nino spat out the water he'd been drinking. Adrien blinked, staring at Alya.

Marinette giggle-snorted. "ALYA! That is _so wrong!_ " After a long pause, she added thoughtfully, "Should we...should we check to see if Mylene has hairy feet?"

And all four of them laughed themselves silly...

* * *

 _Miraculous Ladybug is the intellectual property of Zagtoon, Method Animation, Toei Animation, and Thomas ASTRUC. This intellectual property is used without permission with no intent to profit from said use. The unique content contained on this page is the property of Mythril Moth, and redistribution of this content without express permission is strongly discouraged._


	2. Whataclysm?

**MIRACULOUS LADYBUG: "KITTY LITTER"**

 _by Mythril Moth_

 **Whataclysm?**

 _ **"FATACLYSM!"**_

Ladybug could only stare in dismay as Chat Noir's black-glowing hand made contact with the Akumatized. Who promptly began to balloon up, swelling outward with hundreds of pounds of fat.

Chat Noir grinned cheekily. "Guess you're the new fat cat around here, huh?"

Ladybug facepalmed.

* * *

 _ **"BATACLYSM!"**_ Ladybug stared, dumbstruck, as Chat Noir pulled an aluminum baseball bat from out of nowhere and used it to beat the Akumatized senseless. _"AND! THIS! IS! FOR! MAKING! ME! MISS! PIZZA DAY!"_ Chat Noir yelled as he slammed the bat into the poor victim's _everything_.

"Wow," Ladybug said once the carnage stopped and the Akuma, one of its wings torn and broken, flopped out onto the pavement. "You must _really_ love pizza."

* * *

 _ **"SHATACLYSM!"**_

Chat Noir's hand glowed with black power. He struck the Akumatized right in the butt. With a wet, thunderous fart, the victim doubled over and sprayed a torrent of foul-smelling diarrhea all over Trocadero.

Ladybug screeched in disgust and took off as fast as her yo-yo would carry her.

* * *

 _ **"SHATACLYSM!"**_

Chat Noir's hand glowed with black power. He struck the Akumatized right in the heart. Ladybug's eyes widened. _He wouldn't-!_

In a green flash, the Akumatized transformed into William Shatner. He blinked, looking around. "I'm so confused," he said.

"You and me both, Captain Kirk," Ladybug said, shaking her head.

* * *

 _ **"STRATACLYSM!"**_

In a green flash, a black Fender Stratocaster appeared in Chat Noir's hands. He cheerfully alternated between playing "Stairway to Heaven" and beating the Akumatized over the head with it.

Ladybug facepalmed.

* * *

 _ **"CATACLYSM!"**_

A pile of stray cats fell on the Akumatized.

"Get it?" Chat Noir said cheekily. " _CAT-_ "

"I get it," Ladybug said sourly.

* * *

 _ **"PLATACLYSM!"**_

"Ctctctctctct."

"Oh, there you are, Perry!"

* * *

 _Miraculous Ladybug is the intellectual property of Zagtoon, Method Animation, Toei Animation, and Thomas ASTRUC. This intellectual property is used without permission with no intent to profit from said use. The unique content contained on this page is the property of Mythril Moth, and redistribution of this content without express permission is strongly discouraged._


	3. Sucky Charm!

**MIRACULOUS LADYBUG: "KITTY LITTER"**

 _by Mythril Moth_

 **Sucky Charm!**

 _ **"LUCKY CHARM!"**_

Ladybug stared at the black-spotted red object that fell into her waiting hands. Her eyes bugged out, her mouth twisting into a grimace of disgust. "EWW!" she cried, dropping it and jumping back.

Chat Noir tilted his head curiously, laying his baton across his shoulders. "A...condom? Well, I know what you're supposed to _do_ with that, but...is this really the time?"

* * *

 _ **"LUCKY CHARM!"**_

A massive ladybug-patterned vibrator fell into Ladybug's waiting hands. She stared down at it, then looked up at Chat Noir's flushed cheeks. He started to say something...

"Not. One. Word," Ladybug growled out.

It turned out she needed it to clog the tailpipe of the Akumatized's motorcycle, which was where the Akuma was. Still, she spent the entire rest of the day grumbling about how it could've been _anything_ the same shape and less stupid...

* * *

 _ **"LUCKY CHARM!"**_

A ladybug-patterned beaver plushie landed in Ladybug's hands. She blinked. "A toy beaver? What the heck am I supposed to do with this?"

Chat Noir smirked as he glanced over at their opponent, an Akumatized named Pungeon Master. "I think I've got this," he drawled lazily. "Hey Pungeon Master! Check out My Lady's...STUFFED BEAVER!"

The Akumatized stopped in his tracks, turning to face them. He looked from the beaver toy to Ladybug's confused face, then doubled over cackling. "S-stuffed...beaver...GOOD ONE!" he howled.

Chat Noir grinned, sauntered over to the laughing villain, and crushed the teddy bear pendant hanging from his neck, releasing the Akuma. "The Akuma was in a kuma," he snickered.

Ladybug shook her head. "I don't get it," she muttered, catching the Akuma and throwing the beaver into the air for her Miraculous cure. "This is why I really hate puns..."

* * *

 _ **"LUCKY CHARM!"**_

A single spotted red sock fell into Ladybug's hands. She blinked at it. "A sock? Really? A sock. Not even a _pair_ of socks?"

Chat Noir smirked. "Boy, your Miraculous really loves to sock it to you, huh M'Lady?"

"AUGH!"

* * *

 _ **"LUCKY CHARM!"**_

A box of cereal fell into Ladybug's hands, spilling marshmallows everywhere.

Ladybug sighed wearily, her shoulders sagging.

* * *

 _Miraculous Ladybug is the intellectual property of Zagtoon, Method Animation, Toei Animation, and Thomas ASTRUC. This intellectual property is used without permission with no intent to profit from said use. The unique content contained on this page is the property of Mythril Moth, and redistribution of this content without express permission is strongly discouraged._


	4. Obviously Oblivious

**Author's Notes:**

Don't be bemused, it's just the...title change!

You may have faved/followed this story as "Ladybug Bites". I derped and forgot I had originally planned to name this story "Kitty Litter". So I changed it.

This chapter is inspired by a currently active story I'm reading elsewhere on the site. I'll leave it to you to guess which one. Enjoy!

* * *

 **MIRACULOUS LADYBUG: "KITTY LITTER"**

 _by Mythril Moth_

 **Obviously Oblivious**

Chat Noir landed on the roof of a building three blocks from his school, finding Ladybug crouched behind an air conditioning unit, a tense and solemn expression on her face. For once, he had no flirtatious greeting or pun to offer; his own mind was a whirl of confusion, unease, and grim, resigned determination.

He had terrible news to impart on his Lady. The identity of their hated foe, the nemesis who had plagued them time and again with dangerous villain attacks. The evil mastermind behind Paris' dark nightmare, hell bent on seizing their Miraculous for some nefarious end.

Taking a deep breath, he approached Ladybug, who seemed equally grim. "Chat Noir," she said softly. "I've figured out who Hawk Moth is."

 _Of course she's figured it out too,_ he thought. _She's always one step ahead of me._ "Yeah," he said roughly. "I, uhh...I figured it out too."

"So you already know," Ladybug said. She frowned. "I'm sorry, Chat Noir. I know how hard this is going to be. I mean, of all the people in Paris it could be, this is the last person I was expecting."

"Yeah. Me...me too." Chat Noir bowed his head, claws curling into fists at his sides.

"This battle's going to be hard," Ladybug said. "Not just because it's Hawk Moth, but because...because it's going to be hard, emotionally. I mean...you know?"

"Yeah." Chat Noir's eyes filled with resolution. "I won't let you down, Ladybug. You know that. Even though Hawk Moth is...someone I thought was a friend."

Ladybug sighed. "If we're lucky, we'll be able to work this out and...and maybe there's hope. I mean, I don't want this to be the end. It'll hurt so many people."

"Yeah." Chat Noir's voice was rough. "I don't see this ending happily, but..."

"Neither do I," Ladybug said. She bit her lip. "I want to think there's a good reason behind all this and it all just went horribly awry, but there's so much to answer for." A tear beaded on her long lashes, and she wiped it away. "I guess...I just don't want to hurt someone so _nice_..."

"Yeah..." Chat Noir grimaced. "But it's gotta stop, right?"

"Yeah, it does," Ladybug agreed. Her usual iron determination filled her eyes, tinged with regret and bitter resolve. "Right. So we're going after Hawk Moth, better known as Adrien Agreste, and we need a plan—"

Chat Noir blinked. "Wait. _What?!_ "

Ladybug blinked back at him. "What do you mean what?"

Chat Noir took a step back. "You think I—you think _Adrien Agreste_ is Hawk Moth?!"

"Well, yeah," Ladybug said. "I mean, it took a while to figure it out, but—"

"No, no, no," Chat Noir said, his tail lashing. "You've got it all wrong, Ladybug! I know for a _fact_ Adrien Agreste is _not_ Hawk Moth! What even made you think—"

"Well it all fits!" Ladybug said. "The unexplained disappearances during Akuma attacks, and then there's his home life, with the cold emotionless distant father and his mother disappearing. That's why he wants our Miraculous, he wants to use the wish to bring his mother back and fix his family!" She threw up her hands. "Everything _about_ him screams brooding lonely supervillain!"

Chat Noir felt like doubling over laughing. He also felt tremendously insulted. He settled for sputtering indignantly. "But...no!" he said, shaking his head. "No, you've got it all wrong! Believe me!"

"Yeah?" Ladybug challenged. "You said it yourself, you figured out who Hawk Moth is too! That means we both came to the same conclusion, right?"

Chat Noir sighed. "Ladybug, _Marinette Dupain-Cheng_ is Hawk Moth," he said patiently.

Ladybug blinked. "Buh?"

"She's the only one in her class who hasn't been Akumatized besides Adrien, she always seems to disappear during Akuma attacks, most of the Akuma victims target Chloé Bourgeois, who _really_ seems to hate Marinette..." Chat Noir began pacing. "I'm sorry, but everything points to Marinette being Hawk Moth!"

Ladybug's jaw dropped. "The he—" She shook her head. "That doesn't make any _sense!_ "

"Oh really?" Chat Noir retorted. "But Adrien being Hawk Moth, that makes sense?"

"Yes!" Ladybug said. "I don't _want_ to believe it, but everything points to Adrien being Hawk Moth, and how can you even think a girl like Marinette would _ever_ be such an evil villain?"

Chat Noir stared at Ladybug, his tail hanging limp, his ears flat. "I...just..." He shook his head. "What _actual proof_ do you have?"

"The constant disappearing during Akuma attacks! He's never been Akumatized, out of an entire class that's all been Akumatized! I mean, what else could it be?"

Chat Noir facepalmed. "Screw this. Claws in." Green light traced up his body, erasing Chat Noir and leaving Adrien Agreste in his place. He fixed Ladybug with a flat stare. "Satisfied?" he asked. "Does this explain away the disappearances and not being Akumatized, or do you wanna check me for butterflies?"

Ladybug's eyes widened in shock. She took a step back, her hands flying to her mouth. "Oh," she uttered tonelessly. "Oh," she repeated. Her cheeks flushed pink. "Umm. Oh. Okay. Yeah, that...that explains a lot..." She rubbed the back of her head sheepishly, a nervous grin crossing her face. "Heheheh...sorry?"

Adrien sighed and shook his head. "Seriously, you thought _I_ was Hawk Moth."

"Well, yeah!" Ladybug said. "I mean, you gotta admit, all the stuff that would add up to you being...oh god, you're Chat Noir..." She shook her head. "Anyway, the same things that add up to Chat Noir could _also_ add up to Hawk Moth!" She put her hands on her hips. "And what the heck makes you so sure Marinette could be Hawk Moth?"

Adrien grimaced. "Because I'm pretty sure she knows I'm Chat Noir," he said. "I heard her ranting from around the corner the other day. She was talking about taking my ring..." His hand went protectively to his Miraculous.

Ladybug blinked. Her face paled. "Oh...oh no..."

"Exactly. So we need to get over to the bakery and find out how much she knows and what she even wants with our Miraculous and—"

Ladybug held up a hand to stall him. "No," she said. "Just...just no." She sighed. "Spots off."

Adrien gaped at Marinette as Tikki tumbled out onto the roof, clutching her belly and laughing her head off. Nearby, Plagg was watching the whole thing with an amused smirk. "Um," Adrien said, blinking. "Uh...wow," he offered after a pause. He ducked his head, his cheeks flushing. "Well...this is awkward."

"You don't say," Marinette said, refusing to meet his gaze. "You thought _I_ was Hawk Moth."

"Well you thought _I_ was Hawk Moth!"

"You're _both_ idiots," Plagg said cheekily. "You know that, right?"

Adrien scratched his cheek. "Okay, so...I guess now we're back to having no idea who Hawk Moth is?"

"Looks that way," Marinette said, fighting down a blush.

After a long, awkward silence, Adrien said, "So when you were talking about taking my ring—"

"We're not talking about that," Marinette said flatly. _"Ever."_ This just sent Tikki into a fresh laughing fit.

The look in her eyes told Adrien pressing the issue would not end well, so he sat down, frowning. "Maybe...maybe Mayor Bourgeois is Hawk Moth?"

Marinette tilted her head. "Hmm...I'd never thought of that..."

* * *

 _Miraculous Ladybug is the intellectual property of Zagtoon, Method Animation, Toei Animation, and Thomas ASTRUC. This intellectual property is used without permission with no intent to profit from said use. The unique content contained on this page is the property of Mythril Moth, and redistribution of this content without express permission is strongly discouraged._


	5. Foxy Fox

**Author's Notes:**

If you're waiting for updates to my other stories, please be patient. I'm recovering from some depression issues and kind of going stir crazy in general waiting for my apartment to get done so I can go back home, and I just really haven't felt like doing much writing for several weeks now. But I'll get back to Scatterbug, Dark Wings Rise, Photogenesis, etc. soon, I promise! In the meantime, have a little short inspired by the newest episode, "Sapotis". Don't read this if you haven't seen the episode!

Enjoy!

* * *

 **MIRACULOUS LADYBUG: "KITTY LITTER"**

 _by Mythril Moth_

 **Foxy Fox**

Adrien flumped back onto his bed, an excited grin plastered on his face. "Wow," he said.

"Well that was interesting," Plagg said dryly as he sorted through his cheese. He glanced back at Adrien, cocking an eyebrow. "Don't tell me you're over Ladybug already and have it bad for this new hero now?"

"Huh? No, of course not," Adrien said dismissively. "I mean, sure she's easy on the eyes... _really_ easy on the eyes..." Plagg snorted. "But it's Ladybug I love, that's not going to change." He smiled, his eyes shining in the dark. "I just...isn't it exciting? A new hero!"

"I thought you wouldn't want a third wheel cutting in on your little play dates with Ladybug?"

Adrien rolled his eyes. "Oh, grow up," he scoffed. "It's just...yeah, okay, it's always been just me and Ladybug, but think about the possibilities with a new teammate! And she fits in so easily, like we've always worked and bantered together!"

"Hmm," Plagg muttered absently. "Well, since Ladybug chose her herself, it's probably somebody she knows well." He popped a large hunk of exceptionally creamy, smelly cheese into his mouth. "I can pretty much guess who Rena Rouge really is, so it doesn't surprise me at all," he mumbled sleepily.

Adrien sat up. "You know who she is?"

Plagg shrugged. "I have a good guess," he said. "I mean, I know who Ladybug is now, so it's not hard to guess who she'd pick to be Rena Rouge."

Adrien stared at Plagg. "Wait. _You know who Ladybug is?!_ "

Plagg rolled his eyes. "That whole death trap, detransform with your eyes closed thing just totally slipped your mind, didn't it?" He snorted. "Yeah, I know who Ladybug is, and her Kwami knows who _you_ are." He shrugged again. "It's not the first time it's happened."

Adrien zipped across the room. "So if Rena Rouge is somebody close to Ladybug—"

"Forget it, kid," Plagg said. "There's not anywhere near enough cheese in all of France for me to put up with the bitching Tikki would do if I let anything slip." He finished his current piece of cheese, then gave Adrien a sly look. "Besides, what's up with your sudden interest in Rena Rouge? I mean, other than you flirting with her right in front of Ladybug and that boner you popped when she showed up."

Adrien's face burned crimson. "I did _not—_ " Plagg gave him a _look_ , and he sighed. "Well, can you blame me? She's kind of...I mean, Ladybug is, but Rena Rouge, she has those..." He fell silent, poking his fingertips together and ducking his head.

Plagg sighed. "Teenagers," he muttered.

"A-anyway, I figure if I flirt with Rena Rouge a bit, Ladybug might get jealous, and...and you know?" Adrien offered weakly.

Plagg rolled his eyes. "Whatever, kid," he said sleepily. "You know, if you like tits so much, you should throw a pool party and invite your classmates. I bet that Marinette looks really nice in a bikini..."

Adrien didn't get to sleep that night.

* * *

 _Miraculous Ladybug is the intellectual property of Zagtoon, Method Animation, Toei Animation, and Thomas ASTRUC. This intellectual property is used without permission with no intent to profit from said use. The unique content contained on this page is the property of Mythril Moth, and redistribution of this content without express permission is strongly discouraged._


	6. Papillon de fer

**Author's Notes:**

Yeah yeah, I know, I haven't updated any of my stories in a long time. Short version, I've been taking time off writing to do other things. That's all.

Enjoy!

* * *

 **MIRACULOUS LADYBUG: "KITTY LITTER"**

 _by Mythril Moth_

 **Papillon de fer**

"Nathalie?"

Adrien had been searching the mansion for at least five minutes, but couldn't find Nathalie anywhere, and she wasn't answering her phone. Frowning, he ascended the stairs and headed for his father's wing, hesitating on the landing.

Going anywhere _near_ his father's office without being summoned was usually not a good idea.

Still, he needed to find Nathalie, and it was the most likely place to find her. Mustering up his courage, Adrien marched down the hall to his father's private office.

As he drew near, the haunting sound of a pipe organ seemed to fill up the hall. Adrien frowned. "Okay, I must be losing it," he muttered. "I mean, sure Father's intimidating and this house is even worse, but he's not some villain with a pipe organ."

"Uhh, if you think you're imagining that pipe organ, you're not," Plagg said from his pocket.

Just then, the sound of drums and rock guitar joined the pipe organ. Adrien and Plagg blinked at each other in confusion. Adrien squared his jaw and hurried the last few meters to the door. He hesitated outside; the music was much louder. But...it didn't make any sense! What could possibly be going on in there?

Firming his resolve, Adrien quietly pushed open the door. Immediately, a scene unfolded before his eyes that froze him in his tracks, eyes wide and brain struggling to process what he was seeing.

Gabriel Agreste sat behind a set of Rock Band drums, eyes firmly focused on the large TV mounted on the wall, hands moving expertly, drumsticks rapping smartly against the rubber drums in time with the beat. Next to him, Nathalie Sancoeur stood ramrod straight, her usual poise and professional demeanor firmly in place...and a plastic guitar controller strapped across her torso, her fingers deftly flying across the buttons. All the while, a hard rock song backed by a pipe organ blared from the sound system.

There were also two Kwamis flying around the room, dancing to the music.

Adrien very slowly closed the door and backed away.

* * *

 _Miraculous Ladybug is the intellectual property of Zagtoon, Method Animation, Toei Animation, and Thomas ASTRUC. This intellectual property is used without permission with no intent to profit from said use. The unique content contained on this page is the property of Mythril Moth, and redistribution of this content without express permission is strongly discouraged._


	7. Word Vomit

**Author's Notes:**

I don't know.

Enjoy!

* * *

 **MIRACULOUS LADYBUG: "KITTY LITTER"**

 _by Mythril Moth_

 **Word Vomit**

"MY PUSSY!" Marinette blurted out. Everyone within earshot froze in their tracks, slowly turning to stare at her. Alya facepalmed.

Adrien stood before Marinette, blinking blankly. "Uh...huh?"

Marinette seemed to be trying to figure out exactly what she'd just said. Her eyes darted all over the place. Her hands made odd, spastic motions. She opened her mouth...

"It fell out!" she said. Alya winced, pinching the bridge of her nose.

Adrien blinked slowly. "Uh. Wow. That, umm...sucks." He patted Marinette on the shoulder. "Feel better! I gotta go. Fencing."

As Adrien headed off to practice, Alya walked up to Marinette, grabbed her by the upper arm, and _dragged_ her out of what was rapidly becoming a viral video in the making. "Really, girl?" Alya asked dryly.

"What...what did I say this time?" Marinette asked, her voice full of dread.

Alya sighed. "How do you not even know what words come out of your own mouth?"

"I don't know!" Marinette cried, throwing up her hands. "It's like my brain and my mouth just suddenly stop...y'know... _working together!_ "

Alya shook her head. "Well, since it's gonna be all over the Internet in about two minutes, you might as well know you just informed Adrien that your pussy fell out."

Marinette froze in her tracks, face pale and eyes wide. "I said WHAT?!"

"Hey, look on the bright side," Alya said with a cheeky grin. "Maybe he'll try to find it for you!"

Marinette clobbered Alya over the head with her backpack. "That's! NOT! FUNNY!"

* * *

Adrien rubbed his shoulder as he toweled off, then pulled his shirt on. "Agh, I overextended," he complained.

Plagg's head popped up out of his bag. "Did you get lost in thought again, hmm?" He gave Adrien a sly grin. "Thinking about what Marinette said?"

Adrien's face dusted pink. "Don't tease, Plagg," he said. "Her condition is embarrassing enough without people making fun of her for it."

Plagg blinked. "Condition?"

Adrien stretched, twisting his back to work out a kinked muscle. "I figured it out a while ago," he said. "I still need to do some research on it because it doesn't seem like her symptoms are consistent or match up, but Marinette has _some_ form of aphasia. I just know it."

Plagg tilted his head. "Aphasia? That thing where you get brain damage and suddenly you can't talk right?"

"Yeah," Adrien said. "Although I think she has some kind of rare panic-induced aphasia. Like...she's fine most of the time, but then every so often she just glitches out, you know?" He shook his head. "I feel bad for her, especially since she's so awesome and cool."

Plagg grunted. "There might be a simpler explanation for it, you know," he said.

"Nah, it's the only thing that makes sense..."

* * *

"A skunk!" Marinette said, a rictus grin on her face, her eyes wide and unblinking. "And, umm...armpit! Old...underwear?" Shaking her head, she turned and jogged away from Adrien, flailing and tripping twice.

Adrien smiled wanly, eyes warm and full of concern. "It's okay, Marinette," he said. "I understand—"

"DUDE!" Nino called from behind him. Adrien turned to see Nino eyeing him with disgust, pinching his nose closed and waving a hand in front of his face. "What the hell's that STANK? Have you been rolling around in dead possums or something?"

Adrien blinked. "Huh? What are you talking about?"

"Oh, dude, how can you not _smell that?_ " Nino asked. "Whatever. Sit in the back today, willya? Damn, dude." He headed up to the school.

Frowning, Adrien gave himself a sniff...and doubled over, retching. "What the—" He peeked into his shirt, and found Plagg curled up around a thick, slimy wad of El Plaggo.

Plagg blinked innocently up at him. "What?"

* * *

 _Miraculous Ladybug is the intellectual property of Zagtoon, Method Animation, Toei Animation, and Thomas ASTRUC. This intellectual property is used without permission with no intent to profit from said use. The unique content contained on this page is the property of Mythril Moth, and redistribution of this content without express permission is strongly discouraged._


	8. Snowcone

**Author's Notes:**

Because we were all thinking it.

Enjoy!

* * *

 **MIRACULOUS LADYBUG: "KITTY LITTER"**

 _by Mythril Moth_

 **Snowcone**

Ever since Heroes' Day—no, ever since _Malediktator_ —Chloé Bourgeois had been, in general, _nicer_ to those around her. She could still be snippy, sassy, and rude, and by no means had she become "best besties" with _anyone_ , let alone Marinette, but she'd stopped being an intolerable brat. Mostly.

But Chloé had her limits, and the critical stare Marinette was giving her during a group study session in the park was getting on her nerves. She looked up from filing her nails. _"What?"_ she snapped.

Marinette didn't so much as flinch from her tone. "I was just wondering why you always wear white with yellow," Marinette said.

Chloé snorted. "Uh, duh? Because I'm on point with all the latest fashion trends and have the most _fabulous_ wardrobe in all of Paris!"

"Yeah, but...the white pants with the yellow jacket? I'm sorry, but it's not a good look."

Chloé scoffed through her nose. "What—! What do _you_ know about it, Dupain- _Cheng?!_ "

"It's just that, well...haven't you ever looked in the mirror and, well..." Marinette rolled her hand vaguely. "You _kind_ of look like a yellow snowcone."

Adrien let out a snort of laughter.

Chloé blinked, reeling back. "Ridiculous! _Utterly ridiculous!_ "

"Nah, she's kinda right," Alya said with a grin. "Now that somebody said it out loud, I'm seeing it."

Chloé let out a series of affronted nasal snorts, looking from one amused face to another. "You...! You're all...!"

Adrien shook his head. "Take a selfie, Chloé," he said. "Take a really good look."

Chloé frowned, but did as Adrien suggested. After taking a series of selfies, she swiped through her phone.

Her face fell. "Oh," she said softly. "Oh. Oh...yeah," she muttered. "It kinda...yeah..."

"Why not try brown or black instead of the white?" Marinette suggested. "I mean, you're the great superhero Queen Bee, right? How about changing your look to something less... _pee flavored ice_ and more, y'know, _bee?_ "

"That's...actually not a bad idea," Chloé admitted. Her lips pursed in a frown. "But couldn't you have said _lemon_?"

Marinette shot her a teasing grin. "Nope." Everyone else laughed.

Chloé folded her arms in a pout, looking away from the group with her nose pointed in the air.

* * *

 _Miraculous Ladybug is the intellectual property of Zagtoon, Method Animation, Toei Animation, and Thomas ASTRUC. This intellectual property is used without permission with no intent to profit from said use. The unique content contained on this page is the property of Mythril Moth, and redistribution of this content without express permission is strongly discouraged._


	9. Kwami Poop

**Author's Notes:**

Inspired by another recent fanfic based on "Backwarder".

Enjoy!

* * *

 **MIRACULOUS LADYBUG: "KITTY LITTER"**

 _by Mythril Moth_

 **Kwami Poop**

Marinette studied Tikki with a bored expression on her face, head propped up on one hand while she idly doodled circles in her diary. Tikki had just inhaled an entire chocolate chip walnut cookie and was halfway through another. Marinette pursed her lips as a stray thought passed through her bored mind.

"Hey, Tikki? Do you poop?"

Tikki coughed up crumbs. _"What?!"_

"I just realized, I've never seen you poop," Marinette said.

Tikki made a disgusted face. "Well of course not!" she said incredulously. "Do _you_ go around pooping in front of other people?"

"Of course not!" Marinette exclaimed. "It's just—" Her nose wrinkled. "I mean, you never _say_ 'I need to go to the bathroom' or anything like that, so—"

Tikki rolled her eyes. " _Yes_ , Marinette, I poop."

"But when? Where? _How?_ I mean—"

"Why the sudden interest in my poop?" Tikki asked, pulling a face.

"I don't know!" Marinette said. "It's just, I'm watching you put away five times your body weight in cookies, and it occurs to me I've never seen anything _come out of you_ , so...you know?"

Tikki pulled her cheeks wide and stuck out her tongue. "That's disgusting, Marinette," she said.

"Isn't this the kind of thing I need to know, though?" Marinette pressed. "In case you ever need medicine like Master Fu?"

Tikki rolled her eyes. "Alright, alright," she said. "I poop in potted plants and flower beds." She gestured up to the ceiling. "Usually the ones up on the terrace. It helps the flowers grow big and pretty!"

Marinette's jaw dropped. Her face turned faintly green. " _Eww! TIKKI!_ I dig around in that dirt with my bare hands!"

Tikki shrugged. "Yeah, so? Most plant food is exactly the same thing as my poop, just not as healthy for the plants."

Marinette froze, contemplating that. "Ah..." She sagged. "Wow. I never actually thought about that." She looked down at her slender fingers and perfect pink nails. "I need some gardening gloves."

Tikki rolled her eyes. "Your fault for asking," she said, popping the last of her cookie in her mouth.

A long silence passed.

"I bet Plagg uses a litter box," Marinette mused.

Tikki snorted. "I doubt it," she said.

"Why, because it's beneath his dignity?"

"Not exactly..."

* * *

Gabriel Agreste and Nathalie Sancoeur stood in the garden of Agreste Manor, staring at a diseased, blackened, dead mess that used to be a prized rosebush.

"It has to be the soil," Gabriel muttered. "Something has to be wrong with this patch of soil. Perhaps parasites or—"

"I've had five different experts examine it," Nathalie said. "The soil is healthy and free of parasites. The nutrient richness is perhaps not up to the highest standards, but there is no biological reason for... _this._ "

"Roses do not poison _themselves_ , Nathalie," Gabriel said tightly.

"Of course they don't, sir."

"How is it every single rosebush I plant in _this one spot_ keeps _dying?!_ " Gabriel snarled. "It makes no sense! I—" He paused as a violet flash of light glowed from behind his ascot. He grimaced. "Deal with this," he snapped. "I have urgent business."

"Of course, sir," Nathalie said primly as Gabriel stalked off.

Tucked away out of sight in Gabriel's pocket, Nooroo smirked. He'd long since figured out _why_ that one rosebush kept dying. It was practically a calling card. Fortunately, he was magically bound to protect _certain information_ from his master...

Gabriel ascended into his lair, untying his ascot and pulling it aside. "Nooroo, Dark Wi—"

"Just a moment, Master," Nooroo interrupted. Gabriel glared at him, but relented when Nooroo held up a small paw and hunched over, eyes closed. He grunted for a moment.

A shining white butterfly squeezed itself out of Nooroo's behind, unfurling its wings and flying away to join its brethren in the cloister.

"Okay, you can transform now," Nooroo said with a small sigh of relief.

Gabriel shook his head, pinched the bridge of his nose, and transformed.

* * *

 _Miraculous Ladybug is the intellectual property of Zagtoon, Method Animation, Toei Animation, and Thomas ASTRUC. This intellectual property is used without permission with no intent to profit from said use. The unique content contained on this page is the property of Mythril Moth, and redistribution of this content without express permission is strongly discouraged._


End file.
